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воскресенье, 6 марта 2011 г.

Wooden Owls, Flying Rabbits and My Acid Vagina


В общем дел в последнее время навалилось., но я даже чем-то рад. Потому что время посидеть, подумать есть только сейчас. И я предпочитаю делать это наедине с собой. Это значит что не должно играть музыки должно быть минимум техники. Если вы считаете что просматривать зомбоящик или что нибудь слушать и посвящать время себе это одно и то же - вы ошибаетесь. Занимаясь этим всем вы просто бежите от себя.
Ну это было небольшое вступление. Хочется еще заметить что придется прятаться и на праздничые выодные. Потому как жаль тратить на это все свое время.
А сегодня друзья, я решил порадовать вас небольшим рассказом который меня заинтересовал в интернете. Эдакий трип для любителей. Знающие английский - читаем дальше.

Earlier I tweeted about the”owl”, who I am thinking of naming Inigo, that was mocking me from the tower on town hall and how excited I got over it because I have an unnatural attraction to owls, but I hit the stupid tweet button without  ever trying to spell check my self which is an on going problem in my life…premature tweetaculation…sigh. 
Just look at him.
(click to embiggen if you want your world crushed because Inigo didn’t come here to watch you work)
So while I was out there taking dozens of pictures realizing the mother fucker beautiful owl was really a scarecrow wooden owl the grumpy UPS driver decided it was time to mock me as well.
You do realize that is a wooden owl and it’s used to scare pigeons right? You must be  a vapid blonde”
Thanks for ruining my day Grumpy Fucker, oh and nice shorts!
 I sat there for an hour in my office all heart broken that Inigo was a fake owl when I looked up and….

The fucker flew away. And now my perception of reality is all fucky. Completely gone. I went in search of him because I really want Inigo on my shoulder like a bad ass pirate in my office. I can’t find him anywhere. Gone, like the wind. I went into town hall with a large shopping bag in case I could climb up on the tower….I am not sure how people get up there, there was no spiral staircase or anything. Then I walked all around the building looking at different angles and nothing, just nothing. This is just like the time that I was walking The Nug one morning and we happened upon 8 bunnies that were so cute and hopping along in the grass to get away from us and they got up so much speed they flew away. And I am beginning to wonder if my claim that I have never taken acid is really just a big fat lie and I am living one giant acid trip.  Seriously wooden owls named Inigo and bunnies that fly?
Which would all make sense since I am starting a twitter bedazzling #commune .
I was trying to explain to The Dish about OUR commune and he was all….‘yeah yeah what ever I will not support you in this and where the hell are you going to put all these twitter communies, eh?’  He’s a big talker though because I got this email from him yesterday as the commune was getting started:
TD: I have a present for you. And its not what you were hoping for or expecting.
AVB: Hmmm, I wasn’t expecting anything.  ???  Is it a kitten?
TD: I thought you would be expecting ***** *****.  It might be a kitten.
AVB: haa, it’s not ***** *****? Damn….that actually didn’t cross my mind but since you mentioned it…
TD: The box is small enough to be a kitten.  That’s probably what it is, but it doesn’t have air holes……I hope I didn’t get you a dead kitten.
AVB: Awe that would be sad. Then it would be a present for The Nug and The Tine! New Chew toy!
 
 (warning this cart0n has been sealed with pilfer KITTEN proof tape, check contents to make sure you kitten is not badly dead)
Then all hell broke loose in the commune! It was MAYHEM and ANARCHY and AWESOME.
Patty Punker is bringing her carousel with unicorns that shit glitter. Lagunatic is getting The Stripper who is going to ride the Unicorn’s horn. Ryan is making paper mache clowns because no one really wants real clowns around EVER! Wicked Shawn is choking all the chickens or was that SubWOW who, by the way, is the cruise director for this little trip…report to her NOW if you want to join us . Mary Mac is bringing Patron and Guac and KeepingYouAwake is going to tend to the pot crops. Brilliantsulk decided she wants to wear her kittens and only kittens at the commune because having only one pussy is just NEVER enough! Duffmanno was strangely absent because I think Elly and she are ripping holes in the space time continuum in order to better bedazzle the portal walls!
Then I went over to Redneck Mommy’s house and ordered up some kittens for the commune to be bedazzled. I really hope she remembers the air holes in the box, but FOR THE LOVE OF THE KITTENS poke the holes before you pack them up and do not, I repeat, DO NOT use bubble wrap!
(it is not a toy)
 This all makes perfect sense to me now. My life, from  birth to this day really is a ginormous acid trip which would explain my acid vagina
If I missed anyone, I can’t help it I have been tripping for over forty years now and I blame everyone else who isn’t here reading this and can ‘t defend themselves.

2 комментария:

  1. у меня с английским плохо =( увы

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  2. Ай-яй, я тож с английским не очень.
    Нужно навёрстывать, сейчас в интернете часто с этой проблемой сталкиваюсь.

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